I had occasion to poke round Google Trends yesterday. While looking through top searches on “Hobbies and Leisure” for the past five years, I happened on a strange insight. The top search topic during that period was—unsurprisingly—“dog”. That makes perfect sense in our canine-crazy culture.
But second on the list was something called “lotology”.1 I’d never heard of it. And chances are—unless you live alone in a damp, windowless basement—you haven’t either.
Not A Lotto Learning
Unlike other fun “-ologies” (like astrology, herpetology, and gynecology), there’s very little information to be found about lotology. I trawled the internet so hard over the past 24 hours, I personally ensured lotology will terribly trample “doggos” again in 2024.
Despite my persistence, here’s all I know: lotology is the little-known hobby of collecting lottery tickets. And most “lotologists” consider scratch-off tickets their preferred quarry.
The best summation I found was a three-paragraph blog post about lotology by pkozeysite in 2016 (and I triple-doggo-dare you to find something better!) In that brief post, he writes:
“There are now thousands of lotologists around the world.”
That’s not necessarily a ringing endorsement—there are also some 40,000 scientologists worldwide. But it’s not surprising lotto enthusiasts are all about numbers.
Lotology is clearly an obscure practice with little to no formal organization. Here’s the proof: lotology.com has all the flair and modernity of a geocities site.
Representin’
It’s fair to assume lotology is a very niche subculture with relatively few adherents. Which is why it is so very odd that an expansive array of lotology t-shirts, coffee mugs, phone cases, and tote bags exists on Amazon.
The sayings are admittedly trite and generic—clearly designed to work with any hobby or interest. The “Lotology Starts with Coffee” throw pillow doesn’t really make sense. For most people, coffee starts everything—including their bowels.
But all that merch reinforces the idea that—despite any cogent representation online—lotology is a thing. And eBay appears to be lotologist Mecca.
Bidding on Losers
In my mind’s eye, I see shadowy puppet masters huddling close together in a dimly-lit, smoke filled room. “How can we make the lottery an even bigger waste of hard-earned money than it already is?” asks a hulking figure at the head of the table. “What if…,” starts another nervously, “we convince the lemmings to buy used, worthless scratch-off tickets as vintage collectibles?” A ruminant hush falls around the table. “Overlord Greg,” spouts the leader suddenly, “that’s GENIUS! Now we just need a name for this further poverty-promoting pastime.” And with that, lotology was born.
Today, there are literally hundreds of listings on eBay for used, non-winning scratchers. You can buy a single, “pre-owned” holiday scratcher for $7.00, or buy in bulk for only ten dollars a pound! The worldly collector can also purchase pricey stiff squares of useless perforated paper from Sweden, Ukraine, and the United Kingdom.
By now, you probably think lotology is the domain of the clinically unhinged. You are correct. But there’s an even more deranged faction of lotologists: those who dabble in unscratched tickets!
That’s right, some people purchase lottery tickets at face value only to never, ever play them. Instead, these lunatics squirrel them away for decades and sell them as “mint condition” for pennies on the dollar. Little known fact: that’s exactly how Warren Buffet made his billions!
An International Truth
It’s worth noting that my earlier Google Trends search was for terms and topics in the United States. That tracks, since this is clearly first-world madness. Only in a land of excessive riches would anyone shell out valuable rectangles of paper in exchange for worthless squares of cardboard.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t a thing in, say, Venezuela. But just to be sure, I fired up Google Trends once more to find out. Predictably, “animalitos” was the top search term over the past five years. But to my surprise, “lotto” was a very close second.
In some way, it seems, the lottery bewitches us all.
On further investigation, it seems Google uses the term “Lotology” as an umbrella topic covering all things lottery. So the topic scored high not because people were necessarily searching about the practice of collecting lottery tickets, so much as searching for games, winning numbers, etc.
🎄🎄🎄 ‘Tis the season of giving! 🎄🎄🎄
But I’m already buried by possessions, so I don’t want any more things. Instead, here are a few ways to show some non-material love:
🎅 buy yourself a little something nice on Amazon. I recommend festive adornments for your beard, but feel free to put whatever you want in your cart and hit “Buy Now”, or
🎅 share this post with your friends using the button below, or
🎅 connect with Noon at the Park on Instagram or Facebook, or
🎅 just slip me some eggnog in which to drown…